fearful trust....

the most hidden and secret places of my heart and mind
you touch as easily as if they were laid bare
my skin, the very flesh of my body seems transparent
under the gaze of your ordinary *but not* eyes
it seems an effortless thing, this ease with which you dissect me
there is much comfort and terror in the familiarity of you
do you know what your caring attention has done for/to me?
do you know how you have rescued me from myself?
do you know these words are written to you?

inverted.......

words for the world....

please please don’t ask me to smile
after all i have given over to you
it is too much to pretend what i don’t feel
for the sake of your comfort
you know me, you know who i am
you know that i will put aside myself for you
in ways both small and large i forfeit me
my needs desires feelings thoughts obligations
you never knew about the people who hurt me
you never saw the tears tracing the inside of my heart
you never heard the ache and weariness of my voice
you never saw the way my body began to stumble
you never saw the uneaten meals or the endless waking nights
you never felt the trembling of my limbs
you never touched the bruises and cuts on my body
these things were always there
but you were oblivious to them
knowing caring only that i would be there for you
you will never know how much you hurt me
you will never know the depth of my love for you
you will never read these words i have conjured for you
because you do not know they are for you
because you do not really know what i am

mundanity....

the fire breathes.......

cycle.......

repression subjugation
pressurizing encumbering straining
explosion fulmination paroxysm
frenzied flailing limbs
fingers fists nails teeth
striking pounding scraping biting grinding tearing
without mercy relentless perpetual
hate spite disgust jealousy rage guilt
reddened flesh broken skin bleeding wounds
whispering thoughts tearless sobs voiceless words
purging evicting expunging
breathless collapsing curling in shutting down
stillness silence solitude
emotional chaos mental confusion physical exhaustion
binding mending patching
masquerade feign pretend deceive
abused exploited used manipulated bled drained siphoned tapped
void hurt confused lost bereft
segregation isolation disconnection dissociation sequestered
repression subjugation

shards of life.........